One simple thing should always be remembered, when deciding whether to allow children - your own or anyone else's - to watch a film. And that is that children are smaller, have much shorter concentration spans, and tend to feel things more intently.
When I was younger, watching a film used to seem like a huge commitment. Sitting still and paying attention for a whole hour and a half? That's a skill that comes with time.
When I was even younger than that, say three or four, films were an incredibly intense experience. And what I remember most about them, years later, is how scary they were. Like The Little Mermaid, for instance. My strongest memory of that film was the deep purple water during the storm at the end, when Ursula was taking revenge. And the golden signature Ariel made. That's what made the most impression on my young mind. It makes no difference that, together, they made up barely fifteen minutes of a ninety minute film - that was what I remembered.
Even worse was All Dogs Go To Heaven, which was released a year after I was born. I must have been three or four the first time I saw it.
The film was released with a G rating in America, and a U rating in the UK. This was after removing the word 'damn', cutting a few minutes from the nightmare in hell scene, and removing the shot of a car hitting the main character (a dog named Charlie B. Barkin, voiced by Burt Reynolds).
The first line of IMDB's plot summary is as follows; A dog returns from the dead looking for revenge on his killer using an orphan girl who can talk to animals.
Let me repeat that.
A dog returns from the dead looking for revenge on his killer using an orphan girl who can talk to animals.
...yeah.
There's also a crocodile, someone who is executed by being strapped to an anchor and lowered to some kind of snapping thing (possibly the same crocodile, it's been a while), begging to be released the entire way down, someone is hit by a car, and the devil comes for the hero's soul at the end.
Also, the voice actress, Judith Barsi, who voiced Anne-Marie, was shot around a year and a half before the film was released. Which isn't really relevant to how scary the plot is, but adds an extra surreal effect when watching it as an adult.
So, yeah. Childrens films are scarier to children than they are to adults. And All Dogs Go to Heaven is to children's films as Heathers was to teen movies.
Which isn't to say that I don't adore All Dogs Go to Heaven - just that it utterly terrified me, far beyond the range of what an adult might have expected.
Tuesday 25 November 2008
Things Look Scarier from Three Feet High
David Walliams
David Walliams is one of the stars and creators of TV show Little Britain, along with his partner (in comedy, not life) Matt Lucas. He was born as David Williams, but changed his name on joining actors union Equity, as they already had a David Williams on their books (incidentally, something similar happened to Michael Caine, who was born Maurice Joseph Micklewhite Jr.)
Little Britain was very successful. It made fun of various British stereotypes and archetypes, and lead to David Walliams being named in a survey as the person most British people would like to have to dinner. It also won him a host of female admirers, despite spending most of his time dressed as a woman or a man breastfeeding. This included long time stalker Sarah Bartholomew, who, admittedly, turned out to have mental health problems.
However, it seems that this success has gone to Walliams head. Taking his behaviour on 8 Out of 10 Cats as a guide, quite frankly, he's a twat. He hams it up, and behaves in a manner that is not so much funny as utterly unprofessional, especially when attempting to upstage other guests, or even the host of the show. And attractive as he is, Jimmy Carr will always be better looking (I am attracted to funny men).
However, as a runner, I do admire his swimming the English Channel and the Strait of Gibralter in order to raise money for charity. I do admire David Walliams in general, it's just his behaviour when he's not the star that bothers me.
Friday 21 November 2008
Batman Sues Warner Bros
In short, the mayor of a city named 'Batman' in Turkey is suing Warner Brothers, for using their name without permission. The film The Dark Knight is also being blamed for increased crime in the area.
Honestly, you'd think they'd have thought of this at some earlier point in the sixty-nine years since the creation of the Batman in question.
James Arnold Taylor
James Arnold Taylor is a voice actor, and, while perhaps not the most famous, he does have a very good range. He also sometimes dubs the work of some rather more famous actors, should they not be available.
The bio on his website is as follows;
Drawn Together
Drawn Together is a series, originally released in 2004, which lampoons reality TV shows like Big Brother. The essentially premise is that several characters, from a variety of different styles of animated TV shows, have been 'drawn together' into one house, and forced to live there, in harmony, or some approximation of it.
The main characters are;
Tuesday 18 November 2008
Bridge to Terabithia
I think I'm in love with a twelve-year-old.
Not in a kinky way. But AnnaSophia Robb's portrayal of Leslie Burke in Bridge to Terabithia is eminently lovable - all you want to do is protect her, and hope that she stays happy forever and ever. It's clear why her parents are so happy. She seems luminescent almost, lit by an inner glow. Almost intangible, at times.
Inducing that kind of emotion from the audience is perfect for this character, and makes the film far more powerful. Good for her. It also made the twist far more painful.
Generally speaking, Bridge to Terabithia is quite suitable for the PG audience it is designed for - until the last twenty or thirty minutes. I don't want to give the ending away, but very, very sad things happen, that had me in tears, nevermind an eight-year-old. To be quite fair, I also cry at Casper the Friendly Ghost, but this was more upsetting.
The trailer also misrepresents the film slightly. It seems like a Narnia or Harry Potter copy, about two children who find themselves in a magical world. That's not exactly the case, and this may be why it took me over a year to get around to watching the film. It's about the friendship between two children, and the imaginary world they create together - and how this gives them the strength to cope with things in the real world.
This one's going on my DVD list (incidentally, the DVD has a bunch of extras, including two sets of commentaries). And I've already reserved a copy of the book from my library.
Sunday 16 November 2008
Of Cinema Tickets, Downloading and DVDs
I watch a lot of movies. That may or may not be obvious.
Mostly, I watch films at the cinema. I have an Unlimited card, which is actually a pretty good deal. £11.99 a month, and I can see as many movies as I like for free. Considering that, some weeks, I watch three or four, and the prices range from £4 to £7.80 (3D movie, Saturday evening), they're definitely making a loss on this deal.
I really like going to the cinema. It doesn't have the strange feeling of a special event any more, but it's a nice place, and I know my local cinema as intimately as one can who doesn't work there. It's nice. I like the smell of popcorn (although I never buy any), I like the trailers (although I avoid the first ten minutes of adverts as often as possible), and I like the fact that it's on my way home from work, or ten minutes away from here by bus.
That 'on the way home from work' thing isn't as helpful as you might think. I work odd hours, which mean that I cannot see films, on days when I'm working, which start after 11:30am or before 10pm. This limits my options somewhat. Fortunately, sometimes I have three or four days off in a row, which allows me to get my fix of movies (although I am fully capable of watching three in one day).
I don't just watch new films; I also rent films and, more often, TV series. I have an account with LoveFilm if anyone's wondering. Might not be the best deal out there, but I like them, and they tend to be punctual and helpful. Only problem with their site is the fact that it can be a little tricky to move movies from one list to another when you have as many on there as I do (341 at last count). You have to dig right through the list to find it - if you use the search function, it will tell you that it's on your list, but won't allow you to move it to another one. But, to be fair, the list feature in general is excellent.
My collection of DVDs is relatively small, which may be surprising. I have a long list of DVDs that I want to own, but I rarely get around to buying them (Waterstones is right next to HMV, and it always distracts me on the way there). I have a few unusual things that I really love, like the first season of the Twilight Zone and the two animated series' of Discworld, and a few foreign films, which are difficult to find to rent, but I would say that I don't own more than twenty or so DVDs. I rarely download movies either - the last one would be Flower Drum Song, which I can't find to rent or buy anywhere (except as a region 1 disc, which wouldn't play on my PS2). I also download the odd foreign film which has no plans for a European release. Generally speaking, though, I prefer to rent, buy, or watch films at the cinema. I just think they seem more special that way.
I am sorely tempted to break this personal guideline in certain other cases, though. Like for A Muppet Christmas Carol. Although the VHS version, which I owned as a child, has the full movie, all DVD releases have a key scene missing. I refuse to buy a dvd with part of the film missing, but my VCR is long gone, and I have a tradition of watching the movie every Christmas.
Bartelmy
Gender Differences in Film
In Scar 3D, there is one character, a male, who intends to remain a virgin until marriage. His girlfriend taunts and teases him, and begs him for sex. When he repeatedly says no, she leaves, yelling that she'll find someone who will.
This is typically a trick employed by males to females, rather than vice versa - or at least, so most people perceive. Women are usually seen to be the victim. I think, if the gender roles here were reversed, the scene would have felt different.
There's also the film My Super Ex-Girlfriend. It's about a woman who, when broken up with, decides to physically attack her ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend. With her super powers.
The film is a comedy.
Again, I suspect that if the film had been My Super Ex-Boyfriend, it would have had a very different feel. It wouldn't have been funny, or cartoon-y, and it would have been extremely hard to pull off if it was. It would have been about a stalker, and domestic violence.
The reason the film is funny, or is perceived as a comedy, is because people don't really believe that women can damage men. Sure, sometimes they do, both in real life and the media - Fatal Attraction, for instance - but they switch between the roles, of threatening and harmless, far more easily. Sometimes, women are scary. More often, they aren't.
I can't recall, at the moment, a single film which includes a angry man attacking a woman, which is considered to be comedy. Angry men attacking women are scary. Angry men attacking men can be either funny, in a black way - Fight Club - or, tense. Angry women attacking women can be sexy or scary - Single White Female. Angry women attacking men are funny. Or sometimes scary, although in the examples I can think of, either a woman is the main target, or the man's family are attacked.
There may be instances I cannot think of, where women are given more traditionally masculine roles, but, generally speaking, women are treated differently by the media. Since there are also differences in real life, this may not be entirely unrealistic. I'm not sure if it's "wrong" or not, but they're interesting to notice.
Bartelmy
Scar 3D
It would, in fact, be true to say that I cry like a little girl at gory films.
So, when I watched Scar 3D yesterday, I didn't watch it, as such, since most of it was viewed from between my fingers. Or simply enjoyed audibly instead of visually (that is to say, with my eyes closed).
Scar 3D is about the survivor of a serial killer. After Joan managed to escape from Bishop, she left town and began a new life elsewhere. This was probably for the best, considering that, the instant she returns, the killings begin again, with a new generation. Joan believes it's Bishop - despite having killed him with her own hands.
As I said, I'm not a horror fan, but I was able to make fairly accurate predictions about how the movie would unfold. The storyline doesn't really break new ground, and, gory as the gore scenes are, they're not terribly innovative either (or so I hear). In fact, I'd say that the most creative thing in the entire movie is the method by which one character is killed - with a plastic glove superglued over her nose and mouth. How someone came up with this, and why they are not being carefully watched is a mystery that will plague me.
In an interview (with Cineworld's Unlimited magazine), the director stated that in previews, the flashback scenes and the last thirty minutes seemed to be the most disturbing. Considering that those are the scenes with the torture, that would seem to be expected.
Despite, as I've said, watching the film from between trembling fingers, it didn't seem to haunt me once I'd left the cinema. Unlike The Orphanage (El Orfanato), The Ring, or even The Eye (that scene in the elevator), the film didn't make me leave all the lights on all night, and nor was I terribly nervous about being left alone (I did stay up till 3am, but that was for a different reason, to be quite honest). To be fair though, I have been slightly twitchy today, continually thinking that I see a figure in the dark, or, at one point, a hand in a vat of boiling oil (it was five chips, floating together). Still, I don't think I'll be losing much sleep.
The main difference between Scar 3D and the other films mentioned is, I think, that Scar focused on a kind of physical horror, which I didn't fully partake in (difficult to, with ones eyes closed). El Orfanato especially focuses more on a kind of mental horror, and seems far more plausible. Scar's attempt to scare with physical horror didn't seem to apply to me - it seems far more likely that I might lose a child than that I might be abducted and tortured.
The main reason I saw the film is because it was in 3D. For the past few years, 3D has been more of a gimmick than a legitimate method of film-making. I can count on one hand the number of 3D films I've heard of and/or seen - and at least two of those were only converted into 3D afterwards. The technique has been sadly neglected.
Using 3D imaging in a horror film is a good start. I'm sure there must be things that one can do in 3D that wouldn't work, or at least, wouldn't be so effective, in 2D. Admittedly, I can't think of any, but I'm sure there must be some (apart from simple tricks like the torch in Journey to the Centre of the Earth).
Scar 3D wasn't the best horror film ever made, but I hope that other film-makers think about using 3D imaging for other films.
Bartelmy
Wednesday 12 November 2008
Burn After Reading
Seriously. Many of the characters in this film are insane (apart from the straight men who stand around looking bemused).
When CIA agent Osbourne Cox (John Malkovich) is fired, he believes it is political. He storms out after being told he has a drinking problem - and then there's a predictable cut to him pouring a glass of something alcoholic for himself.
Cox decides to write his memoirs, despite his wife asking why anyone would possibly be interested in those. However, when a disc containing those memoirs and some financial information is lost, some people turn out to be very interested.
Unfortunately, these people are also insane.
Believing themselves to be in possession of top secret CIA info, gym employees Chad (Brad Pitt) and Linda (Frances McDormand) attempt to blackmail Cox. When he refuses to play ball, they attempt to sell the information to the Russians (yes, the Russians). Meanwhile, having checked that Cox has relatively limited access to anything interesting, the CIA looks on in bemusement, as the characters convince themselves of their own importance.
Every single character appears to believe they are in a film (I said the characters, not the actors). Well, that's an exageration. Lots of characters seem to believe they are starring in spy or gangster movies, with a variety of government agencies interested in their activities. This is, in fact, false - they are nowhere near as important as they think they are. Although they are all sleeping with one another.
The film is hilarious, in a dark way. Many of the roles were written specifically for the actors who played them, which is probably why they fit so well. The film is unpredictably comic, and not nearly so violent as one might expect for the R rating (although the sensitive may wish to close their eyes during the axe scene). Clooney is so incredibly tanned that, for much of the movie, I didn't recognise him, assuming he was some Asian actor (and by 'Asian', I mean south-east - India or Pakistan, probably). I've never been a huge fan of Clooney or tans, but I'm sure some people will swoon over that. His character gave me some good ideas about running, so kudos for that.
Bartelmy
Ghost Town
I've also never watched any other film he has appeared in, never seen his stand up, and never listened to any of his podcasts.
Well, I also never claimed to be entirely fair.
Gervais doesn't annoy me in this, and I suspect it's because he didn't write it.
Ghost Town is a little like A Christmas Carol, if you hear the one-sentence description - "Grouchy man starts seeing ghosts, becomes less grouchy". A relatively simple premise. The slightly longer version goes something like "after a near-death experience, dentist Bertram Pincus (Gervais) is able to see the dead. Once they realise this, they decide to cash in. Everyone knows that ghosts have unfinished business, and he can help them - only he doesn't want to".
In many ways, the film is predictable, but it keeps a certain charm by knowing just how predictable it is - and occasionally second-guessing the audience. Many elements of the story are cliches given a new twist, and this works. It's both fresh and original and familiar and comforting at the same time. Pincus' revelation, near the end (explained to Gwen (Téa Leoni)) is sweet, and the entire montage had me in tears - although I still managed to realise that the film had glossed over exactly how Pincus explained that he knew the letter was under the carpet. However, plotholes like this are perfectly forgivable. It's a sweet film. Rated 12A in the UK.
Bartelmy
Sunday 9 November 2008
Igor
I'll repeat that, for the many people who may have missed it. Not every film needs a romantic subplot.
That's something a lot of filmmakers seem to have trouble with. Well, I promise you, directors, writers and producers of the world - the earth will not stop turning if the male and female lead of your movie don't end up together at the end. You will not - well, for the most part - lose ticket sales without a big romance. And no, it's not necessary to have everyone pair off in order to create a touching ending.
I'll repeat that, too; it's not necessary.
It is especially not necessary in a film like, recent Exodus Productions creation, Igor.
Igor is about a city of Mad Scientists, all competing to create the most evil invention in order to win the evil science fair, and be the most evil. Or something. Evil.
The word evil is thrown about like a brand name in this movie, as you might have guessed. To be quite honest, that made me cringe every single time. Evil is not a brand name; it's not even a simple concept, except to the very young. It's an opinion.
To be fair, this film is animated, and is (in the UK) a PG. This would, theoretically, enable one to forgive the abuse of the word 'evil', since those two facts indicate that the film is indeed intended for a young audience. However, to understand the underlying humour of the film, it helps if you are familiar with the hammer horror tradition of the slurring Igor lisping "yeth marther!" in reply to a loud cry of "pull the switch!". And one might get even more out of it if one is familiar with Terry Pratchett's tongue-in-cheek portrayal of the Igors native to the Discworld (a large family who pass on spare body parts like other families do old clothes, and have a number of traditions). I may not be giving them enough credit here, but I'm not certain the eight to twelve year olds I picture as a 'PG' audience will get as much out of those parts of the movie as older viewers.
Scamper the bunny (voiced by Steve Buscemi), one of Igor's inventions, is also fairly adult in style. He's an immortal, depressed rabbit - leading him to attempt to commit suicide every other minute, in a variety of ways. That dark, bleak humour is amusing, but maybe not for the more delicate types. Fans of The Book of Bunny Suicides will be happy, though.
I did enjoy the film, I won't deny that. Some elements of it - such as Scamper - wouldn't be entirely out of place in something like Tim Burton's cult classic The Nightmare Before Christmas, while others will appeal to children. But, these two parts don't gel particularly well. The film seems confused as to who its audience is, meaning that, in many ways, it's too juvenile for adults while many jokes will probably sail over a young audience's head.
But anyway, back to my first point. A romantic subplot was not necessary for this film. The essential message of friendship, loyalty, truth to oneself and choices would be equally well served with a simple friendly relationship - instead of complicating the movie with a romance between an Igor and his creation. That's rather Freudian. Especially when one considers the jokes, around Igor's paternal feelings for Eva - early on in the film, he remarks that he feels like a father sending a child off to her first day of school (to learn to kill people).
So, to reiterate;
Romantic subplot; not necessary.
Romantic subplot, in fact, pretty damn creepy.
However, it is probably worth taking a look at the wiki articles for Discworld Igors and Hammer Horror.
Bartelmy